I’ve Got Your Back
I
Often when my wife was at the stove cooking supper, I would creep up behind her and give her a surprise hug; sometimes around her waist and sometime around the boobs. Many times she would say, “I’m going to fall back, you better catch me.”
I would then backup several paces before she fell back in my arms. To others that act might have seemed like just a playful game. To us it was an expression of the deep affection and trust we had for one another. Throughout our forty years together, neither of us doubted the other would be there when we lost our footing, or our way, or took a risk. Our little “fall back” game was an important way we expressed our confidence in our relationship.
The first time I understood what power there is in deeply caring for and supporting another was three months into our marriage. Diane was the primary breadwinner. I was a parttime musician, with no direction for contributing to our financial future. It was depressing to see her cheerfully go off to work every morning, while I sat watching TV, pondering what I wanted to be when I grew up.
One morning while searching the want ads for a job, career or just something to bring in a little money, I saw a classified from Sears for a refrigerator salesman. I decided it was time for me to man up. Do something that would contribute to our future. I suited up, went to Sears, filled out the forms and sat for a half-hour waiting for an interview with the sales manger. I was hired! My new job was to start the very next day. I knew Diane would be proud.
When she came home and started supper, I stood in the kitchen door of our small apartment.
“Diane,” I said. “I’ve got a job!”
She turned and with surprise said, “What? Where do you have a job?”
“At Sears,” I replied. “Selling refrigerators.”
She said, “No! You’ll do no such thing. With your mind and your creativity, you have a great future before you. You will not waste your life selling refrigerators at Sears.”
She came to the doorway hugged me and gave me a loving kiss.
“We’ll get along just fine until you find your path,” she said. “I love you and things will work out. Just be patient. You ready for spaghetti?”
When you know someone has your back, success comes more smoothly and is more gratifying; because it is shared. Contrary to new age thought, you don’t create your own reality. Those who love you play a major role in determining your path and your success. Without dedicated love and support from others, success, if it does come, is difficult and often empty. Because it is not shared.
The most important gift, Diane and I gave our daughters, was that we had their backs. No matter what. We didn’t give a lot of advice, though we did express copious opinions. Both daughters used our love and support to seek their way. They didn’t succeed at all their risks, but they always knew we had their backs. When you know someone has your back, failure is an option because it should be.
Looking back, I see now how my parents contributed to my success in communication and music. At twelve, they gave me an expensive tape recorder for Christmas and set me on a course for a fruitful career in electronic advertising. At sixteen, they gave me a set of drums. In two months, I was playing in a popular local dance combo, leading to a long and enjoyable career in music. Neither parent ever made a big deal about either gift. They just perceived my dreams and unceremoniously did what they could do to point me towards them. They had my back and I didn’t even know it.
When my nineteen year old grandson, Larry, left recently to pursue a career in film in New York City, as we held one another in our parting hug, I said, “I’ve got your back.”
He squeezed me and said, “I’ve got your back, too.”
My consulting career was built on my appreciation for the “got your back” concept. Numerous clients and friends, with my support and encouragement, went on to achieve their dreams and goals; knowing my unconditional support was with them all the way. My work brought me great joy.
Just as Diane had my back in our marriage, others have given me the benefit of their support when I needed it. Business partners, family, clients and friends have given me the courage to walk the wire without a net, knowing they would help celebrate my crossing or cushion my fall.
This world is a better world for people who understand the joy in helping others achieve their dreams and goals.
Who can depend on you, if they want to feel the rush of falling backwards or the excitement of charting new territory?
Who has your back?
